The coolest way to sleep

Israel is a country of extremes. While shopping, you are either going to receive extremely good service or extremely bad service. The products you wish to purchase are either going to be extremely expensive or on an extremely good sale. Even the weather follows a pattern of extremes and right now it is extremely hot!

The relationship between body temperature and sleep is well documented. Our internal body temperature follows a 24 hour rhythm. Our average body temperature is about 37 degrees Celsius but fluctuates about a degree depending on the time of day. The lowest point occurs between 4 am to 5 am when we are usually in a deep sleep. It starts to rise at  6 am and reaches a peak at 12 pm. There is another dip in body temperature around 2 pm (about half a degree) and then body temperature rises to a peak at about 6 pm. After that our internal body temperature starts to fall again reaching its lowest point in the early hours of the morning. My description is purposely written in general terms because of course its dependent on many factors one of them being the place on the body where the measurements were taken. I am basing these numbers on average rectal temperature for the average healthy adult, should you wish to try this at home.

The interesting thing is that body temperature is very closely related to our levels of alertness. Simple personal observation (much less invasive than a rectal thermometer) should confirm this. As our body temperature rises at 6 am we are generally waking up. We are active the whole morning until 2 pm. This drop in body temperature is commonly referred to as our afternoon dip in alertness. We feel alert again until 6 pm. This is usually the time when our kids go crazy and we are panicking because its almost bed time. One of the main contributing factors to their sudden burst of energy is a peak in their body temperature. Please remember that what goes up must come down. As that peak in body temperature begins to drop, your kids should start to feel more sleepy. It would make sense that our body temperature drops while we are sleeping and inactive but keep in mind that the drop in body temperature cues the sleepiness not the other way around. So if you are very active in the night you are still going to feel sleepy because your internal body temperature has dropped. Whether you respond to those sleepiness cues or not is your decision.

This 24 hour rhythm of body temperature and levels of alertness is usually programmed in babies after about 6 weeks. We need to be aware of our children's sleepiness cues which brings me to my favorite topic: routine, routine, routine!

Of course living in the middle of a desert which is cleverly disguised as a modern city comes with its challenges. Its very hot outside and we have to cool down at night in order to cue sleep. Its not comfortable to sleep in a hot environment so for every member of the family the environmental temperature plays an important role in healthy sleep. Dr Harvey Karp suggests that your baby's room should be warmer during the day and cooler at night. Recommended nighttime environmental temperature between 16- 21 degrees Celsius for infants and babies (also linked to prevention of SIDS). For toddlers and children the recommended room temperature is between 18 and 22 degrees Celsius.

I am not going to recommend any one method of keeping the room cool, fans, air conditioner or even an open window are acceptable. Please make sure your child is not sleeping next to the open window. Dress them in cool breathable pajamas with a single layer of bedding.

I appreciate that some of my readers are currently experiencing winter. Keep the room warm (follow recommendations above) but don't overheat your child's sleep environment. Don't overdress your child and add just one extra layer of bedding, don't smother them with too many blankets.

Whether you are currently day dreaming of the snow or sitting on a hot beach eating ice creams, I wish you all a healthy sleep in a comfortable, temperature-controlled room.

Feeling safe

My five year old daughter has bright red hair together with  a fiery personality. Her sharp mind is matched by her sharp tongue. She will have no problem explaining to you how the world works according to her. A few months ago I was talking to her about microorganisms. We discussed what they are, where we can find them and that some are helpful while others can make us sick. I certainly managed to feed her ever growing thirst for knowledge but the aftermath of these fruitful discussions was that she became afraid to fall asleep. It took a lot of convincing before I was able to assure her that the microorganisms were not going to eat her while she was sleeping.If she only knew that of the 100 trillion cells in our body only on tenth are human and the rest are bacteria, viruses and other microorganisms. In other words when we look at ourselves in the mirror we are made up of more microbes than human.

Recent events in Israel have left us feeling very exposed and unsafe. I don't think there is a single mother in Israel who has slept soundly at night since the news broke of the three kidnapped boys. Truthfully I don't know how the mothers of Naphtali, Gilad and Eyal can find a moments rest. My personal prayer is that they should be returned home safely and speedily and that their families find the strength to never give up hope. News of this unforgivable act of terrorism has been shared on everyone's facebook page, twitter and e mail. Prayer for the boys safe return is on everyone's lips.The slogan BRING OUR BOYS BACK has already been posted on buses and I believe you can buy the T-shirt.

The question remains how do we talk to our children about what has happened? I am no psychologist and I am certainly not even going to attempt to answer this question. Our kids very keenly aware of what is going on. Whether the teacher has discussed it in kindergarten (which I heard was the case in some schools) or they have heard it from their friends in the playground or even from the hushed discussions between parents when we think they aren't listening, the fact remains that our children know that three boys were taken away from their mommies and we don't know where they are.

I have heard of a few parents voicing concerns that their children are now afraid to fall asleep at night. Children sometimes function outside of the realm of logic. Arguing that the door is locked, mommy is here or that no-one can climb through the window and take you away might not be enough. My advice is to give your child one thing to focus on, that they know will keep them safe. It could be their favorite bear (who is going to stay awake the whole night to watch them), blanket or pillow or any other object that your child personally connects to as something that gives them a sense of security. For my son its the red light from the mosquito coil that keeps him safe and for my daughter taking a bath every night kills all microorganisms and keeps her safe while she is sleeping. It doesn't have to be logical just a single thing that your child associates with love, safety and security.

I also recommend spending that extra five to ten minutes tucking them in at night. Give them one extra cuddle and reassure them that they are loved and safe. We have a sleep time motto that I recite with my children as I am tucking them in: "I am safe. I am tired. It's okay to sleep". I am sure that you can come up with your own more creative one but this one works for us.

Avoid getting into an argument with your children or start shouting and threatening them with punishment. If they climb out of bed put them straight back in bed. Be firm but loving. Try not to show signs of anger as this will just add to their insecurity. Help your child to feel loved and safe while making it clear that it is time to sleep.

My heartfelt prayer is that our children are returned home safely and speedily. May G-d grant strength to their families. Let them know that their pain is shared by all of Am Israel and they are not alone.

Sometimes its okay to break the rules

From a young age we are taught the value of rules and boundaries. Color in the lines, don't stick your hand in the fire (yes in Africa I grew up with a fire place), wear matching clothes and behave! The entire school system is based on following rules in order to achieve the desired outcome. We are so institutionalized in this way of thinking that certainly the idea of "thinking outside the box" is sometimes so far out of our comfort zones we are afraid to do it. Many parenting books (especially the sleep ones) are simply a compilation of rules and boundaries set up by that particular author, follow my formula and your baby will sleep.

Admittingly, I am one of those people  who thrives in rules. Give me a structure so that I can function safely within it. Last night I received a wake up call. Since its the last month of our school year, we are very busy with end of year concerts. Naturally they are all in the early evening because I am clearly the only parent in Jerusalem who is following the rules of a regular bath and bedtime. Yesterday evening I BROKE THE RULES at six o clock in the evening my children (aged 3 and 5) were not in their scheduled bath but rather sitting in a hall watching their sisters dance concert. The sleep consultant had broken her bedtime rules, the sacred schedule had been tampered with and guess what my children not only survived they had fun. While it felt good to bend the rules I do have some cautionary comments to make:

1.Adjusting the bedtime routine is definitely allowed from time to time but there needs to be a norm which is firmly established so that children and even young babies will be able to sense the difference.

2. I didn't break the rules, I bent them. I still bathed my children before we left and packed sandwiches for them to eat so theoretically they still ate dinner at their regular time. When we arrived home at eight thirty all we had to do was change into pajamas, brush teeth and bedtime.

3. You need to know, this is especially true of babies, that sleep deprived kids usually do not sleep well at night. Sleep debt is not something that once incurred can be paid off with subsequent sleeps. Once you have lost that time to sleep its gone forever. Remember that your body is not sleeping while you are sleeping. Many vital processes occur during sleep and persistent sleep deprivation will eventually take its toll on your physical well being.

4. A routine itself should allow for some degree of flexibility. As long is your child is going to sleep at the same- ish time every night and that the series of events  that lead up to sleep usually occur in some regular order, then you have successfully established a bedtime routine.

So I confess that even the sleep consultant occasionally messes with the bedtime routine but in order to bend the rules you have to have them firmly established in the first place.

Seven years and diaper free

Since the birth of my daughter in 2007 I have been wiping little bums and changing diapers. By the time the one child was ready to be toilet trained the next baby had already arrived. So I now find myself in the awkward situation of living in a house with three toilet trained kids. I experienced an immense sadness as I watched my son independently run to the bathroom to do his thing, he even asks me to close the door so he can have some “privacy”. The heart-wrenching loss of realising that you are no longer a mother of small babies has left me with a rather unexpected empty feeling.

It all started two weeks ago when my husband told the kindergarten teacher that my son was ready to be toilet trained. “Great”, she replied “bring him to kindergarten in underpants and let’s see how he manages.” I was so angry at my husband, “he may be ready” I moaned, “but I am not”. Needless to say after only two accidents he is successfully toilet trained and of course I had to hear the unwanted “I told you so” from my spouse.

I was so stuck in the current state of affairs that I was unable to shift into a new reality. This got me thinking about my real passion which is sleep. Often as parents we convince ourselves that our child simply can’t take the next step. My child cannot sleep through the night she has to nurse at least twice at night, my baby cannot move into a bed he will sleep in his crib until he is twenty, my child has to sleep with her pacifier and my baby does not know how to fall asleep on her own. Any of these sound familiar?

The truth is that our children are more adaptable than you think. Their primary focus is to grow and develop, constantly pushing the boundaries whereas many of us are quite content in our comfort zones sometimes immobilised by fear to move forward. Your baby can sleep through the night; they are capable of falling asleep on their own and in their own beds. Sometimes introducing this change takes a little work and sometimes it takes a monumental effort on the part of the parent. I can assure you that if you stay committed through any process of change, you will eventually reap the rewards.

I conclude by encouraging all of us (especially me) to move out of our comfort zones, take risks, be active and most importantly believe in yourself and your child.

"Sweet" Dreams

I have just come home after doing the grocery shopping with a slightly sick feeling in my stomach. This is not because Jerusalem is currently experiencing a dust storm and I must have inhaled at least a kilogram of dust by now nor is it due to the absolutely unfriendly, unhelpful staff synonymous with the Israeli shopping experience.

The amount of junk food on display enticing the consumer to buy truckloads of this sugared junk was simply overwhelming. It is as if the store-owner placed a highly sophisticated bomb in the store, filled it with chocolate and candy and set it off to explode at the precise moment when all the Jews are looking for food to place in their mishluach manot (Purim gifts). Most of the candies displayed were really gooey balls of preservatives coated with large amounts of sugar disguised as something you can actually eat.

Of course come Purim we will happily exchange your bag of sugared junk for our bag of sugared junk and watch our kids spike a sugar rush as the day continues. The connection between a diet rich in simple carbohydrates (candy, cakes and cookies) and bad sleep well documented.

High sugar foods lead to a rise in blood sugar levels. This in turn signals the pancreas to release the hormone insulin which results a significant drop in blood sugar levels. In order to try and re-stabilize blood sugar levels, the body will signal the adrenal glands to release the stress hormone adrenaline which counteracts sleep and feelings of fatigue.

Our nerve cells (neurons) continuously communicate with each other via chemical messengers called neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters can either excite or calm the nervous system. One of the main neurotransmitters regulating sleep is called serotonin. Serotonin is made from the amino acid tryptophan. So it would be sensible to suggest that eating foods rich in tryptophan would in turn increase the production of serotonin and ultimately calm the nervous system and ready our bodies for sleep.

Foods rich in the amino acid tryptophan include turkey, chicken, milk, egg, nuts (almonds, cashews and walnuts), bananas, beans, fish, cheese and oats. However these foods should be eaten at least two hours before bedtime to allow for the proper absorption and digestion of tryptophan. If your bedtime routine is similar to mine then dinner, bath and bedtime follow in quick succession. Try giving your child these foods to eat at lunch or as an afternoon snack (oatmeal and bananas; scrambled eggs; yogurt or cheese on crackers). This will allow enough time for the tryptophan to be absorbed. Naturally avoid afternoon snacks such as sugared candy, processed juice and caffeine (e.g. soda).

I am not saying that a healthy diet will guarantee a good night’s sleep but there is a definite, measurable connection between the two.

I am sure the store-owner is not going to lose any sleep worrying about the upcoming candy induced sugar rush he helped promote. I know that Purim is a one day deviation from our normal healthy diets (actually it’s more like a three day weekend if you live in Jerusalem) but my message is clear. What we eat during the day is going to have a significant impact on our sleep. Keep it healthy!

Sleep in your OWN bed

I have three kids and I love them dearly. For me there is nothing better than lying in bed next to your child. I love to feel their warm little bodies snuggled closely next to mine, feeling their bodies relax as they slowly drift back to sleep. I am not saying that I have not on occasion fallen into the trap of bringing your child into your bed because all you want to do is go back to sleep but let me make my position very clear from the start: Children are to sleep in their OWN bed period (or full stop as we say in Africa).

Your bed is to be shared between you and your spouse and is to be reserved for sleeping and marital relations only. I feel so strongly about the sanctity of the bedroom that when we got married I made it quite clear to my husband that we will never have a television set in our bedroom and we are not allowed to argue in our bedroom.

As often happens in life there is the clear cut rule and then there the necessary adjustments to facilitate reality. Allow me to clarify.

I am not discussing co sleeping. While I am not personally a fan of this parenting approach, I do recognize the benefits of remaining close to your new born baby even at night. However, I must warn that co sleeping has to be done in a safe manner (invest in a safe co sleeper) and has to be a consensual agreement between both partners. Parents must also accept that there has to be a point where your baby is transitioned into their own crib. Just like transitioning a toddler from their crib to a bed takes time and patience so too, this extra transition will take some effort but will ultimately help your child to learn to sleep independently. 

Many moms have confessed to me that when their baby wakes up at night they bring their baby to their bed to nurse and drift off back to sleep with the baby in their bed. I know that I have done it too but I always tried to take the baby back to their own crib as soon as possible. This type of accidental co sleeping could result in sleep issues as the baby grows accustomed to sleeping next to mom and it is unsafe for the baby.

I have said many times before that part of our job as parents is to teach our children how to sleep. Part of this process is teaching them how to sleep in their own beds for the whole sleep duration. Obviously there are going to be those nights where your children wake up scared, they have had a nightmare or are feeling sick. I suggest lying with your child in their bed and helping them fall asleep in their own space.

If you do feel the tug of blankets as your child tries to climb into your bed undetected in the middle of the night gently lead them back to their own bed and stay with them until they fall asleep again. If they do manage to come into your bed undetected and you wake up in the morning next to a little person, don’t feel bad. You haven’t failed them as a parent but try not allow this become a regular pattern.

The bottom line is that children need to feel safe in their own sleep environment. We spend a lot of time ensuring that their sleep environment is safe but they also need to feel safe. I suggest introducing a comfort item such as a bear or blanket (not for babies under a year). Tell them that the bear is going to stay awake the whole night to keep them safe.  Let your child choose their own bed linen or arrange the pillows the way they like them. I know that as a young child I suffered from “monsters” that lived in my cupboard at night. Fill a spray can with water and tell your child its anti- monster spray. Be creative, listen to your child’s needs and help them sleep safely in their OWN bed.

Become your baby's sleep coach

Confession: I hate hospitals. Just the thought of sick people, white coats, stethoscopes, drips and needles makes me nervous. This is surprising considering that I am married to a doctor and we discuss medical issues everyday. When my first daughter was born by c-section, my thoughts soon turned to how can I get out of this hospital. Luckily I managed to convince the doctors and nursing staff to discharge me early on the premise that my husband can take care of my medical needs (this was not the first time I had pulled this trick). And so I arrived home prematurely with my newborn baby girl, completely clueless and naive about the endless sleepless nights I was about to endure.

Its normal for newborn babies to cry at night. Firstly their brains are underdeveloped and they lack the neurological connections to facilitate any organised form of sleep. Secondly, newborns need to eat, every two to three hours, so sleepless nights are on the cards for the first few weeks.The best way to deal with their erratic sleep schedule is to establish healthy sleep habits and set up a daytime and bedtime routine.

Typically, at the age of four months babies have developed a more regular sleep wake cycle. As their brains develop, sleep becomes a less erratic, more organised behavior. Usually around the age of four to six months, babies are capable of "sleeping through the night" which generally means a stretch of eight to twelve hours. In my experiences as a sleep consultant I have met many babies who do indeed just start sleeping through the night and even more babies who don't. 

My first daughter fitted into the second category. She continued to cry every two to three hours at night for the first six months. Determined to go back to sleep as quickly as possible, I entered her room like a sleep-walking robot and nursed her back to sleep until the next cry. My life became a blur of sleepless nights and difficult days as the demands from work and home continued to build. It was a friend who actually suggested sleep training. Although I had all the knowledge its much more difficult to put theory into practice on your own child. Looking back it was a defining moment in my life, I came to the realization that we teach our children how to do everything; how to walk, talk, eat solid food etc and in the case of my own baby I had to teach her how to sleep. 

Sleep training has become a very temperamental word in mommy circles, it is often associated with "cry it out" and suggested by people who mean well but have no idea of your personal situation. Every mommy group, internet sight and book advocates a different sleep training method guaranteed to work. Personally, I find the information overwhelming and cant imagine what it must feel like for a first time mom.

If you do decide its time for sleep training here are a few tips:

1. Sleep training is hard, don't let anybody fool you, it requires work, commitment and no matter what method you decide to use, there is going to be some form of crying, guaranteed. 

2. Choose one method and stick with it for at lease two to three weeks.

3. Before you start consider your baby's age, physical and mental health, baby's temperament etc.

4. The timing has to be right for you (meaning both parents) and you have to feel ready.

In my case my daughter was not nursing at night because she was hungry she was using me as the sleep cue to go back to sleep. Kim West, more famously known as the sleep lady, is quoted as saying, "become a sleep coach not a sleep crutch". I suggest removing any "sleep crutch" such as nursing, pacifier or rocking your baby and simply sooth them back to sleep. Rub their back, sing or use any calming technique at your fingertips to ease your baby back to sleep. 

This is simply a gentle way to ease your baby back to sleep. Its not necessarily sleep training. If you are feeling confused I really do recommend that you speak to a sleep consultant about the best sleep training method for you. Their motivating factor should be what is best for your family and give customized advice to address your needs.  

I have to emphasize choosing how and when to sleep train is a very important decision. You must make sure that the timing is right for you, that you are mentally ready to commit to the sleep training method you have chosen. It takes time and it takes work but the best thing you can do for your child is teach them how to sleep.

Who was really "on call" last night

Ninety nine percent of the time its the mom who calls me for a sleep consultation. The reason is obvious WE ARE USUALLY THE ONES AWAKE AT NIGHT WITH THE CRYING BABY. I know there are some super dads out there and I definitely don't want to take anything away from them but lets face facts us moms are hardwired to those cute but sleepless little munchkins and we are usually the ones to respond to their nightly calls for help.

This past Friday night in the Romain house was one such example. My husband is a doctor and he was on call at the hospital until 10:00 pm. I remained calm at the prospect of doing shabbat dinner alone with three sick kids (they had the flu) and even looked forward to my time with them. The evening went like clockwork. They were all bathed before candle lighting. In keeping with the bedtime routine we had dinner at the normal time. Following main course, each child was duly given their dose of paracetamol and anti histamine, then we brushed teeth, read our bedtime story (we are really into the Mr Men books at the moment) and I happily watched as each one drifted off sound asleep. 

Finally some quiet....... or so I thought.

I was awakened at various intervals throughout the night. Three times by my eldest daughter, once because her duvet was not straight (I was NOT happy). Twice by my middle daughter and three times by my son, who woke up at 5:00 am bursting with energy ready to start the day (I was NOT happy).

What followed was an argument with my husband of who was really on call that night. My shift lasted longer than his and I was unable to simply give my "patients" more sedative.

The honest truth about sleep coaching is that its all relative. Bad nights are going to happen, its written in small print in the parenting manual. By the time our kids are old enough not to need us at night when they feel distressed we will be waiting up for our teenagers to come home after a night out. Just accept that not sleeping the whole night every night is part of parenting.

Secondly, the concept of sleeping through the night is age dependent. A newborn who sleeps two to three hours between feeds at night  has indeed slept through the night. After six months if your baby has done a nine to ten hour stretch they have certainly slept through the night (even if that stretch ended at 4:00 am). I definitely expect my seven-year old daughter to sleep ten to eleven hours at night without waking me up because her bed is messy! 

Thirdly, parents need to decide what their current sleep goal is for their child. If you want the truth my son woke up to nurse twice a night until he was nine months. I tolerated it because I accepted that as the current situation but another mother in the same boat might be calling me up for a consultation because their nine month old baby is still waking up to nurse at night. You need to do what is right for you without compromising on you and your child's need to sleep. 

The role of the sleep consultant is to assess the sleep situation and decide on the best way to ease the child into "sleeping through the night". This is age dependent, parenting style dependent and comes with an acceptance that your child will sleep peacefully most nights but not every night.

There is no magic formula and we have few tricks up our sleeves. I truly believe that having a consistent bedtime routine and establishing healthy sleep habits are the tools we must utilize to minimize the nights when we are "on call" for our kids.

P.S I have renamed this blog "confessions of a sleep consultant" because I can only draw from my sleep knowledge and personal experiences and truthfully we don't get it right all the time. I invite comments and questions that I will try to address in future posts.

The importance of a bedtime routine

If you want to know the secret of turning your nightmarish, “bad sleeper” into the dream child it all starts with the bed time routine. The hours between 5:00pm and 7:00pm are often referred to as suicide hour and I must admit that the daily ritual often feels like something I need to survive, not usually associated with calm, relaxing thoughts.

The truth is that bath time and bed time should be a special time to bond with our kids.

I appreciate that in our modern day, high tech and high stress environment my advice might seem highly impractical but here are a few home grown rules which I find helpful.

1.    .Dim the lighting- In summer I actively close the blinds and in winter I leave minimal lights on.

2.    I do not answer the phone and have been known to tell the mother in law, who is calling on Skype, to call back in half an hour to say goodnight to the kids.

3.     Television is OFF. This might seem like a relaxing activity but the light stimulus actually triggers the brain to be awake while we want to cue sleep.

4.    I speak in a soft, calm voice and try to avoid shouting (this one really takes work, counting to ten helps)

5.    I try start the bed time routine early so that my kids don’t feel that I am rushing them into bed so that I can have a few quiet moments to myself (which let’s face it, is the ultimate goal).

The key to success is CONSISTENCY! This means the routine follows a consistent order every night and happens at the same time every night.

During my sleep consulting career I had a four year blip as a high school biology teacher. I quickly came to realize that hormonal 16 year olds responded much better when the lesson began with a lesson outline. They felt safe knowing what was to be expected from them. This is even truer for babies and young children. Even if your baby is not of speaking age, you should tell them: “we are going to have a nice warm bath, get into pyjamas, sing a song etc. etc….”

Following a consistent bed time ritual cues the sub conscious and conscious mind that now it is time to settle down and go to sleep.

I generally subscribe to the three B theory of Bath Book Bed. Bathing is a very calming activity; this is especially true for new-borns and young babies. Even if your child cries during the bath they usually calm down afterwards. Once your child is cosy in bed read them a short story or sing a bedtime song. This sends a message to your child that mommy/daddy is here for you but now it’s time to go to sleep. Don’t skip this step it’s vital to the process.

Then give your child a kiss reassure them that you love them and that they are safe in their bed and allow them to fall asleep on their own.

The bedtime routine is crucial in establishing healthy sleep habits. Ideally it should begin at birth but the good news is that it’s never too late to start.

And so I wish my readers a good night, sleep tight, hope the bedtime routine goes well tonight.

Fifteen minutes

All it takes is fifteen minutes

It is very difficult for any mom to willingly accept criticism about her parenting skills… especially when that criticism comes from the mother in law. With difficulty, I was able to suppress that stubborn, independent part of me and yielded to the voice of reason (even though it was the voice of the mother in law) and it has literally changed my life.

A typical afternoon before the unwanted (but much needed) advice was dominated chaos. Every afternoon I watched in horror as toys are artfully distributed throughout my house because my lounge is now the inside of a spaceship or some underwater sea world. Naturally the walls need to be redecorated with crayon or paint. Neatly folded laundry goes flying across the room and of course there is the ever present “mommmmy I am hungry what is there to eat.” Has the sea monster which was once a perfectly clean sofa suddenly come and sucked all the nutrients out of your body because I fed you five minutes ago! Screaming, crying and yelling are not uncommon sounds to be coming out of the Romain household as I silently thank G-d for my elderly hopefully hard of hearing neighbors.

Enter the mother in law. Heidi, she calmly said after another typical disastrous afternoon. You are not spending enough time with your kids. NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH MY KIDS is she insane my whole life is my kids! Then she explained about the fifteen minutes a day rule. Each child needs fifteen minutes personal one on one playtime with mom every day.

Child psychologists confirm that attention= love for children. Experts claim we need no practice “parenting meditation”. As parents we need to spend time everyday focusing on seeing our kids, understanding them and seeing the world through their eyes. 

But I don’t need the science as proof. I can honestly say I am a calmer, happier mom and wife. My children have learned to cherish our time together and respect the time of others. I am learning that folded laundry and clean floors is not what makes a happy home and that peanut butter on toast is a perfectly acceptable dinner as long as I have spent forty five minutes playing with my three kids.

My goal is to provide scientifically sound sleep advice each week on topics of interest. I know my personal story is not about sleep (thank G-d my kids are really good sleepers) but the connection is as follows: often children don’t want to go to bed at night because they are anxious and afraid to let go of mom. If we give our kids that much needed quality time during the day perhaps it will relieve their anxiety at night and we will be able to kiss them goodnight knowing they are peacefully drifting into sleep feeling safe and loved. All it takes is fifteen minutes.

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