The importance of a bedtime routine

If you want to know the secret of turning your nightmarish, “bad sleeper” into the dream child it all starts with the bed time routine. The hours between 5:00pm and 7:00pm are often referred to as suicide hour and I must admit that the daily ritual often feels like something I need to survive, not usually associated with calm, relaxing thoughts.

The truth is that bath time and bed time should be a special time to bond with our kids.

I appreciate that in our modern day, high tech and high stress environment my advice might seem highly impractical but here are a few home grown rules which I find helpful.

1.    .Dim the lighting- In summer I actively close the blinds and in winter I leave minimal lights on.

2.    I do not answer the phone and have been known to tell the mother in law, who is calling on Skype, to call back in half an hour to say goodnight to the kids.

3.     Television is OFF. This might seem like a relaxing activity but the light stimulus actually triggers the brain to be awake while we want to cue sleep.

4.    I speak in a soft, calm voice and try to avoid shouting (this one really takes work, counting to ten helps)

5.    I try start the bed time routine early so that my kids don’t feel that I am rushing them into bed so that I can have a few quiet moments to myself (which let’s face it, is the ultimate goal).

The key to success is CONSISTENCY! This means the routine follows a consistent order every night and happens at the same time every night.

During my sleep consulting career I had a four year blip as a high school biology teacher. I quickly came to realize that hormonal 16 year olds responded much better when the lesson began with a lesson outline. They felt safe knowing what was to be expected from them. This is even truer for babies and young children. Even if your baby is not of speaking age, you should tell them: “we are going to have a nice warm bath, get into pyjamas, sing a song etc. etc….”

Following a consistent bed time ritual cues the sub conscious and conscious mind that now it is time to settle down and go to sleep.

I generally subscribe to the three B theory of Bath Book Bed. Bathing is a very calming activity; this is especially true for new-borns and young babies. Even if your child cries during the bath they usually calm down afterwards. Once your child is cosy in bed read them a short story or sing a bedtime song. This sends a message to your child that mommy/daddy is here for you but now it’s time to go to sleep. Don’t skip this step it’s vital to the process.

Then give your child a kiss reassure them that you love them and that they are safe in their bed and allow them to fall asleep on their own.

The bedtime routine is crucial in establishing healthy sleep habits. Ideally it should begin at birth but the good news is that it’s never too late to start.

And so I wish my readers a good night, sleep tight, hope the bedtime routine goes well tonight.

Fifteen minutes

All it takes is fifteen minutes

It is very difficult for any mom to willingly accept criticism about her parenting skills… especially when that criticism comes from the mother in law. With difficulty, I was able to suppress that stubborn, independent part of me and yielded to the voice of reason (even though it was the voice of the mother in law) and it has literally changed my life.

A typical afternoon before the unwanted (but much needed) advice was dominated chaos. Every afternoon I watched in horror as toys are artfully distributed throughout my house because my lounge is now the inside of a spaceship or some underwater sea world. Naturally the walls need to be redecorated with crayon or paint. Neatly folded laundry goes flying across the room and of course there is the ever present “mommmmy I am hungry what is there to eat.” Has the sea monster which was once a perfectly clean sofa suddenly come and sucked all the nutrients out of your body because I fed you five minutes ago! Screaming, crying and yelling are not uncommon sounds to be coming out of the Romain household as I silently thank G-d for my elderly hopefully hard of hearing neighbors.

Enter the mother in law. Heidi, she calmly said after another typical disastrous afternoon. You are not spending enough time with your kids. NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH MY KIDS is she insane my whole life is my kids! Then she explained about the fifteen minutes a day rule. Each child needs fifteen minutes personal one on one playtime with mom every day.

Child psychologists confirm that attention= love for children. Experts claim we need no practice “parenting meditation”. As parents we need to spend time everyday focusing on seeing our kids, understanding them and seeing the world through their eyes. 

But I don’t need the science as proof. I can honestly say I am a calmer, happier mom and wife. My children have learned to cherish our time together and respect the time of others. I am learning that folded laundry and clean floors is not what makes a happy home and that peanut butter on toast is a perfectly acceptable dinner as long as I have spent forty five minutes playing with my three kids.

My goal is to provide scientifically sound sleep advice each week on topics of interest. I know my personal story is not about sleep (thank G-d my kids are really good sleepers) but the connection is as follows: often children don’t want to go to bed at night because they are anxious and afraid to let go of mom. If we give our kids that much needed quality time during the day perhaps it will relieve their anxiety at night and we will be able to kiss them goodnight knowing they are peacefully drifting into sleep feeling safe and loved. All it takes is fifteen minutes.

Welcome To Heidi's Sleep Solutions