Ninety nine percent of the time its the mom who calls me for a sleep consultation. The reason is obvious WE ARE USUALLY THE ONES AWAKE AT NIGHT WITH THE CRYING BABY. I know there are some super dads out there and I definitely don't want to take anything away from them but lets face facts us moms are hardwired to those cute but sleepless little munchkins and we are usually the ones to respond to their nightly calls for help.
This past Friday night in the Romain house was one such example. My husband is a doctor and he was on call at the hospital until 10:00 pm. I remained calm at the prospect of doing shabbat dinner alone with three sick kids (they had the flu) and even looked forward to my time with them. The evening went like clockwork. They were all bathed before candle lighting. In keeping with the bedtime routine we had dinner at the normal time. Following main course, each child was duly given their dose of paracetamol and anti histamine, then we brushed teeth, read our bedtime story (we are really into the Mr Men books at the moment) and I happily watched as each one drifted off sound asleep.
Finally some quiet....... or so I thought.
I was awakened at various intervals throughout the night. Three times by my eldest daughter, once because her duvet was not straight (I was NOT happy). Twice by my middle daughter and three times by my son, who woke up at 5:00 am bursting with energy ready to start the day (I was NOT happy).
What followed was an argument with my husband of who was really on call that night. My shift lasted longer than his and I was unable to simply give my "patients" more sedative.
The honest truth about sleep coaching is that its all relative. Bad nights are going to happen, its written in small print in the parenting manual. By the time our kids are old enough not to need us at night when they feel distressed we will be waiting up for our teenagers to come home after a night out. Just accept that not sleeping the whole night every night is part of parenting.
Secondly, the concept of sleeping through the night is age dependent. A newborn who sleeps two to three hours between feeds at night has indeed slept through the night. After six months if your baby has done a nine to ten hour stretch they have certainly slept through the night (even if that stretch ended at 4:00 am). I definitely expect my seven-year old daughter to sleep ten to eleven hours at night without waking me up because her bed is messy!
Thirdly, parents need to decide what their current sleep goal is for their child. If you want the truth my son woke up to nurse twice a night until he was nine months. I tolerated it because I accepted that as the current situation but another mother in the same boat might be calling me up for a consultation because their nine month old baby is still waking up to nurse at night. You need to do what is right for you without compromising on you and your child's need to sleep.
The role of the sleep consultant is to assess the sleep situation and decide on the best way to ease the child into "sleeping through the night". This is age dependent, parenting style dependent and comes with an acceptance that your child will sleep peacefully most nights but not every night.
There is no magic formula and we have few tricks up our sleeves. I truly believe that having a consistent bedtime routine and establishing healthy sleep habits are the tools we must utilize to minimize the nights when we are "on call" for our kids.
P.S I have renamed this blog "confessions of a sleep consultant" because I can only draw from my sleep knowledge and personal experiences and truthfully we don't get it right all the time. I invite comments and questions that I will try to address in future posts.
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