Become your baby's sleep coach

Confession: I hate hospitals. Just the thought of sick people, white coats, stethoscopes, drips and needles makes me nervous. This is surprising considering that I am married to a doctor and we discuss medical issues everyday. When my first daughter was born by c-section, my thoughts soon turned to how can I get out of this hospital. Luckily I managed to convince the doctors and nursing staff to discharge me early on the premise that my husband can take care of my medical needs (this was not the first time I had pulled this trick). And so I arrived home prematurely with my newborn baby girl, completely clueless and naive about the endless sleepless nights I was about to endure.

Its normal for newborn babies to cry at night. Firstly their brains are underdeveloped and they lack the neurological connections to facilitate any organised form of sleep. Secondly, newborns need to eat, every two to three hours, so sleepless nights are on the cards for the first few weeks.The best way to deal with their erratic sleep schedule is to establish healthy sleep habits and set up a daytime and bedtime routine.

Typically, at the age of four months babies have developed a more regular sleep wake cycle. As their brains develop, sleep becomes a less erratic, more organised behavior. Usually around the age of four to six months, babies are capable of "sleeping through the night" which generally means a stretch of eight to twelve hours. In my experiences as a sleep consultant I have met many babies who do indeed just start sleeping through the night and even more babies who don't. 

My first daughter fitted into the second category. She continued to cry every two to three hours at night for the first six months. Determined to go back to sleep as quickly as possible, I entered her room like a sleep-walking robot and nursed her back to sleep until the next cry. My life became a blur of sleepless nights and difficult days as the demands from work and home continued to build. It was a friend who actually suggested sleep training. Although I had all the knowledge its much more difficult to put theory into practice on your own child. Looking back it was a defining moment in my life, I came to the realization that we teach our children how to do everything; how to walk, talk, eat solid food etc and in the case of my own baby I had to teach her how to sleep. 

Sleep training has become a very temperamental word in mommy circles, it is often associated with "cry it out" and suggested by people who mean well but have no idea of your personal situation. Every mommy group, internet sight and book advocates a different sleep training method guaranteed to work. Personally, I find the information overwhelming and cant imagine what it must feel like for a first time mom.

If you do decide its time for sleep training here are a few tips:

1. Sleep training is hard, don't let anybody fool you, it requires work, commitment and no matter what method you decide to use, there is going to be some form of crying, guaranteed. 

2. Choose one method and stick with it for at lease two to three weeks.

3. Before you start consider your baby's age, physical and mental health, baby's temperament etc.

4. The timing has to be right for you (meaning both parents) and you have to feel ready.

In my case my daughter was not nursing at night because she was hungry she was using me as the sleep cue to go back to sleep. Kim West, more famously known as the sleep lady, is quoted as saying, "become a sleep coach not a sleep crutch". I suggest removing any "sleep crutch" such as nursing, pacifier or rocking your baby and simply sooth them back to sleep. Rub their back, sing or use any calming technique at your fingertips to ease your baby back to sleep. 

This is simply a gentle way to ease your baby back to sleep. Its not necessarily sleep training. If you are feeling confused I really do recommend that you speak to a sleep consultant about the best sleep training method for you. Their motivating factor should be what is best for your family and give customized advice to address your needs.  

I have to emphasize choosing how and when to sleep train is a very important decision. You must make sure that the timing is right for you, that you are mentally ready to commit to the sleep training method you have chosen. It takes time and it takes work but the best thing you can do for your child is teach them how to sleep.