Feeling safe

My five year old daughter has bright red hair together with  a fiery personality. Her sharp mind is matched by her sharp tongue. She will have no problem explaining to you how the world works according to her. A few months ago I was talking to her about microorganisms. We discussed what they are, where we can find them and that some are helpful while others can make us sick. I certainly managed to feed her ever growing thirst for knowledge but the aftermath of these fruitful discussions was that she became afraid to fall asleep. It took a lot of convincing before I was able to assure her that the microorganisms were not going to eat her while she was sleeping.If she only knew that of the 100 trillion cells in our body only on tenth are human and the rest are bacteria, viruses and other microorganisms. In other words when we look at ourselves in the mirror we are made up of more microbes than human.

Recent events in Israel have left us feeling very exposed and unsafe. I don't think there is a single mother in Israel who has slept soundly at night since the news broke of the three kidnapped boys. Truthfully I don't know how the mothers of Naphtali, Gilad and Eyal can find a moments rest. My personal prayer is that they should be returned home safely and speedily and that their families find the strength to never give up hope. News of this unforgivable act of terrorism has been shared on everyone's facebook page, twitter and e mail. Prayer for the boys safe return is on everyone's lips.The slogan BRING OUR BOYS BACK has already been posted on buses and I believe you can buy the T-shirt.

The question remains how do we talk to our children about what has happened? I am no psychologist and I am certainly not even going to attempt to answer this question. Our kids very keenly aware of what is going on. Whether the teacher has discussed it in kindergarten (which I heard was the case in some schools) or they have heard it from their friends in the playground or even from the hushed discussions between parents when we think they aren't listening, the fact remains that our children know that three boys were taken away from their mommies and we don't know where they are.

I have heard of a few parents voicing concerns that their children are now afraid to fall asleep at night. Children sometimes function outside of the realm of logic. Arguing that the door is locked, mommy is here or that no-one can climb through the window and take you away might not be enough. My advice is to give your child one thing to focus on, that they know will keep them safe. It could be their favorite bear (who is going to stay awake the whole night to watch them), blanket or pillow or any other object that your child personally connects to as something that gives them a sense of security. For my son its the red light from the mosquito coil that keeps him safe and for my daughter taking a bath every night kills all microorganisms and keeps her safe while she is sleeping. It doesn't have to be logical just a single thing that your child associates with love, safety and security.

I also recommend spending that extra five to ten minutes tucking them in at night. Give them one extra cuddle and reassure them that they are loved and safe. We have a sleep time motto that I recite with my children as I am tucking them in: "I am safe. I am tired. It's okay to sleep". I am sure that you can come up with your own more creative one but this one works for us.

Avoid getting into an argument with your children or start shouting and threatening them with punishment. If they climb out of bed put them straight back in bed. Be firm but loving. Try not to show signs of anger as this will just add to their insecurity. Help your child to feel loved and safe while making it clear that it is time to sleep.

My heartfelt prayer is that our children are returned home safely and speedily. May G-d grant strength to their families. Let them know that their pain is shared by all of Am Israel and they are not alone.